Five things Jack does that annoy Ianto

Title: Five things Jack does that annoy Ianto
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Warning: General series 1 spoilers.
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Summary: Five things Jack does that annoy Ianto.

1. Jack doesn’t sleep.
At first Ianto thought he was joking about this. “Everyone sleeps: you’ll go mad if you don’t.”

“I don’t,” Jack says with a shrug, and then leans close and says in a dangerous voice, “Do you think I’m mad, Ianto?”

“Yes,” Ianto says comfortably, which makes Jack laugh and hug him and before much longer they are at it again.

The trouble being, of course, that when Jack is around and not sleeping, it also means Ianto is not sleeping, and he doesn’t have quite the generative powers Jack does. There’s only so much coffee can really do, and when he lies down on the sofa in the Hub for a quick nap that ends up lasting nine hours, it’s apparent he and Jack will need to change their sleeping arrangements.

Someday. He yawns. He’s not really to give up not-sleeping with Jack yet.

2. Jack never answers questions about himself
Oh, Ianto’s asked. Of course he’s asked. Where did Jack grow up, does he have any brothers and sisters, what was his childhood like. Jack would rather talk about who he’s fucked than anyone he’s loved.

Ianto wonders if he’ll become just another of Jack’s stories someday: “I once slept with a kid who worked for me . . . cute guy. Welsh. Nice bottom, lovely vowels.”

3. Jack thinks he can cook.
He can’t. Ianto has choked down enough suppers to know. Worse still, Jack never cleans up after himself so Ianto often spends the morning after one of Jack’s experiments in the kitchen soaking pots and scraping pans. He suggests gently, “Why don’t you try something simpler, like an omelet?”

“You’re a growing boy–you need hearty meals.”

“I’m done growing,” Ianto mutters and pulls on the rubber gloves to clean the oven.

4. Jack likes to snog during movies.
“I’m watching this,” Ianto protests as Jack wraps an arm around his neck and tugs him closer.

“I can tell you how it ends already. The guy gets the girl.”

“He might not. He might lose the girl. Or meet another girl. Or she’ll get the girl.”

“She should get the girl,” Jack agrees, mouth against Ianto’s lips. “I’ll take the guy.”

Ianto holds Jack’s head in one hand and keeps an eye on the movie. It’s not that he dislikes kissing Jack–it’s just absurd to pay for a movie they’re not going to watch.

Jack’s tongue does that little swirling thing against his soft palate that makes him shiver, and Ianto gives up and decides he’ll just have to rent it when it comes out on DVD.

5. Jack likes to have sex in the office.

Ianto only pretends this annoys him, because it keeps him from getting too smug when he rejoins the others and they all know that he is freshly fucked and probably covering a new lovebite under his crisp white shirt. It’s hard not to be smug, though, because while Jack flirts with everyone he meets and probably sleeps with a fair few of them, he always comes back to Ianto.

So he sighs and looks put-upon and scolds Jack about harassment, and presses his knee against Jack’s under the table to say he doesn’t mean it, not really.

Leave a Reply